Communicating Love And Kindness To Your Kids
Communicating Love and Kindness To Your Kids – Special Replay
Yes – there is hope! Communicating love and kindness to your kids does not come naturally. Ask me how I know! We discipline our children because we LOVE them – it is vital, and especially IF you want our children to grow up to become responsible adults.
Realize your parental style –
- Authoritarian – democratic
- Kids are gamblers
- Kids often say what they mean
- Kids are have many character flaws – anger, temper tantrums, jealousy, self-centered, etc.
- Kids want to get their own way – news flash, who doesn’t
- Kids can manipulate like the best attorney’s in court out there
- Kids are easily distracted
- Kids don’t often follow instructions the first time.
- Kids need positive reinforcement and repetition and patience
- Kids do not need to be spoiled
These are Don’ts!
- It goes without saying – but I will say it here – fear and abuse – mental and physical
- Screaming at them
- Hitting in anger
- Discipline that doesn’t fit the crime
- Using your child as a pawn to hurt your spouse.
- Character assassination –I can’t believe how horrible you are – I hate you, you are ….
- Treating kids as objects that you own
Discipline techniques – I’ve heard them all
- Withholding something – dessert, phone, etc.
- Time Out
- Spankings – of course not while angry… um, yeah, that works
- Punishing – removing an item or taking away a privilege
The secret sauce? Consistency – when consistency does not work that is when the consequences must be metted out.
Model good behavior – a niece of mine has colorful language to say the least and when her young son used this same language in Kindergarten and the teacher spoke to her about it she realized she needed to clean up her expressiveness
Kids are sponges
With kids here are some rules of conduct:
- Get your kid under control if they are an emotional wreck
- Deal with the issue at hand – before you launch in
- Sensitive to tone
- Keep it simple – teach as you discipline – start young
- Ask the kids to repeat back what you said
- Ask the kids to think… instead of why are you leaving the ball in the laundry room ask ‘where do you think the ball should go” (this is instructive and if this isn’t followed through with discipline may follow)
- Be positive
- Use “I” instead of you … “I want you to get down” I don’t want you to bounce the ball in the house” instead of you are such a bad kid for climbing up there you will get hurt and fall and then…
- When you do this – then this will happen
- Use your words … if you expect good response model it…
- Active listening – where they really know you are listening, that you check to be sure YOU understand what they are saying and you go from there.
- Eye contact and body language
- Decide rules and discipline – if you do this – this is what will happen
- Checking In
- Game plan
- Giving them ground rules
- Risks – explain
One Minute Discipline
- Make sure there is no danger – if so, get the issue under control.
- Eye to eye – little? Get on eye level – taller – be sure they are looking at you.
- Be sincere.
- Explain they cannot talk while you are talking
- Tell your child what they did wrong – in one or two sentences. Explain clearly why you are upset –
- Big Sigh – signifies a change…
- Tell them what you LIKE about them – that they are an amazing person – that you are happy they are your son or daughter – that you know they try hard – that you will help them learn how to try harder if they do not already, etc. I’m here to help you – I love you – I think you are an awesome person… if you can’t figure out what you like about your child do this exercise ahead of time. Pray – ask the Lord to help you love your child –
- Hug and a kiss if appropriate
Matthew 18:6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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