The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My daughter forgot her gym uniform at home. When I arrived at her school to drop it off, I realized I also forgot the uniform.

I see where she gets it from.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 5, 2021

I’m sorry but if you come to my house and want something to drink, you’re probably gonna need to get a glass from my kid’s room.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 4, 2021

ok what if you’re in the school pickup line and you see a woman eating from a charcuterie board in her car, would you judge me?
i mean her would you judge her

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) October 7, 2021

I asked 4 how school was and she said Freya told her to take a toy home and 4 wasn’t sure but Freya said it was fine so 4 hid a toy in her pocket and brought it home and it seems Freya’s recruiting her for some kind of kindergarten crime ring

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 5, 2021

I let my toddler play with my phone today so now everything is in Spanish and I have 273 pictures of her left hand

— Lottie-BOO 👻 (@Lottie_Poppie) October 7, 2021

“So lucky our kids have siblings so they’ll always be there for each other,” I mutter as I break up another physical fight between my daughters because they both want to be Hermione Granger for Halloween.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 7, 2021

10: Grandma, can you teach Mom how to make this dessert?

My mom: Oh, she already knows how to make it, sweetie.

10: No. No, she doesn't.

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) October 3, 2021

take away my kids electronics for punishment? that's amateur hour. i take my kids to Lowe's for a couple hours.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2021

Ready for another weekend of oversharing with new mom friends at soccer and regretting it later

— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) October 2, 2021

I want those snacks that have 2 eyes and a scary mouth

-my 3 yo, describing pretzels

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 5, 2021

Playing board games with your kids and deliberately trying to lose so it ends quicker is a parenting art form

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 7, 2021

*Kidzbop song plays*

my 4yo: they were 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 to say "fuck"

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 6, 2021

One way to speed up the school pickup line is to shout, “This is the line for the PTA fundraiser”

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 6, 2021

I’m at a pumpkin patch with my family, is $48 a good deal for a pumpkin?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 2, 2021

Give a man a cup of rice, feed him for a day. Give a toddler a cup of rice, step on it for a week.

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) October 6, 2021

11- I can’t wait to have chemistry in High School so we can make potions and spells
Me- Unfortunately I don’t think you ever received your acceptance letter for that particular school

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 6, 2021

my children wish to inform you they will be deceased from hunger before dinner if they do not have a second after school snack

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 4, 2021

Absolutely no one:

My kid: isn’t it weird how no one ever really knows when they’re in the middle of their life

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 7, 2021

(Watching the new James Bond Trailer)

Daughter 9: Wow. There is so much reckless driving happening here….

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) October 2, 2021

Whenever another parent asks me if they should let their kid play Minecraft, I always tell them yes because I'm petty and angry and I want them to listen to their kids fight and speak gibberish and suffer as much as I do.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 7, 2021

My 5yo asked if I had ice cream in the house, and when I said no he glared at me with the intensity of a pint-size hypoglycemic commando and said “Tomorrow you go to the store and BUY SOME”

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) October 7, 2021

Sorry I never responded to the text you sent; my 5-year-old just finished telling me a story that started on Friday.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 4, 2021